Friday, May 11, 2018

Debtors Anonymous gone mad: One member’s nightmare


2006


I had a nightmare last night. It started out great. In my dream I was having a fabulous time. I dreamed I was a newcomer with a few months of not debting, and I was making the rounds of D.A. meetings. Which one to attend today? Hmmm, should I try the Women’s Self-Debtors Self-Care Meeting, where we meet at a local beauty salon and get manicures and pedicures while we share? Or should I get serious and attend the Big Sky Spirituality Meeting where we alternate formats between astrology, palm reading, tea leaves, and a Magic 8 Ball? So many choices!
In my dream, my favorite meeting was the Friday Aromawareness Meeting, where members brought leftover body oils, perfumes, soaps, and bath salts, and talked about how the scents helped us connect with our inner overspender. All of a sudden—you know how dreams are—I found myself elbow deep in doilies at the Oldtimers’ Arts and Crafters Meeting—we tackled tough spiritual issues through treasure mapping, scrapbooking, candlemaking, and puppet shows. I knew I had blown my spending plan, but I left with a frameable poster of the D.A. Promises. I’m so worth it!
Wherever I went in my dream, I had my D.A. T-shirt, my D.A. totebag, and my D.A. coffee mug, constantly reminding me not to debt. My pockets were full of D.A. chips and coins, which reminded me of my prosperity and abundance. At home my walls were plastered with visions collages and treasure maps, my shelves were stacked with God bags, God boxes, and God cans. Because God can, right? God, I hope so.
In my dream, I was an Intergroup rep and I helped organize a “Put the Fun Back in Fundraising” Summer of Joyous Happy Freedom. We kicked off the season with a trip to the ballpark (We won, go Beavers!). Then we had cosmic bowling—those black lights are so cool. Next week we’ve got a field trip to the art museum. And next month the ultimate—wait for it: a fabulous retreat in the mountains! It’s very exclusive; hardly anyone can afford to go, but I’m on the planning committee, so I get the special rate. We’ll read the latest bestsellers on compulsive shopping, listen to guest speakers, and go horseback riding (Intergroup got us a fabulous group discount.) Of course, it’s not cheap—I may have to put a little on my card—but it’s so good for my program.
I have so much recovery! You can tell by the way I take care of myself. Whatever I want, I get, because I believe my Higher Power wants me to be happy, and happiness to me (this week) is two new end tables and a loveseat for my den. I don’t want to be one of those horrible deprivation addicts. I’ll just take a little more out of my IRA. It’s not like I’m debting—it’s my money, and I’ve got plenty of time before I need to pay it back. I deserve to be happy.
Suddenly—you know how dreams are—I found myself at a really weird D.A. meeting. I didn’t feel comfortable there from the get-go—they didn’t even have candles. They laughed when I said I was a time-space-sleep-debtor. The secretary read some bla-bla about not debting, and then the speaker shared about the Twelve Traditions. I’m not really sure what those are—I think it’s mostly an East Coast thing. Anyway, I totally didn’t get the part about Tradition 5—what was it? That a D.A. group’s primary purpose is to carry the message to the debtor who still suffers? Something about singleness of purpose. Whatever. Hey, I’m not suffering. Do I look like I’m suffering? I tried to share about the cute picture frame I made for my D.A. Promises, but you know how it is in dreams when you can’t run or talk? It was horrible, a nightmare. I showed them my freshly manicured nails and they just laughed. I invited them to join us for the art museum tour, but they laughed some more. They sure laughed a lot for a bunch of debtors. I think they were in total denial.
That’s when I woke up. Whew, thank God, back in the real world. It was only a dream. I’m still feeling a little anxious. Luckily, I live, eat,and breathe D.A. I think I’ll go to the Wellness meeting and get some guided meditation. Maybe I can get someone to give me a ride home because I’m not driving this week—I got a ticket for expired tags. Wow, I need to set up a Tension Relief Meeting. I could really use a therapeutic massage. Do you have a cell phone I could borrow? I need to call my sponsor.
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You think this is far-fetched? It’s happening now at D.A. meetings near you. We run the risk of losing sight of our program’s primary purpose, and thus our ability to serve—and perhaps save—the suffering debtor. Wake up, D.A.

Hope
2006

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