Step Two was the hardest step for me, because I don't like the word god much. I prefer the term higher power, but I use the word god sometimes, because it is short and easy. (I apparently resist capitalizing it.) I sometimes regret saying god at meetings, though, when I remember how hard it was for me to hear that word at meetings.
I don't know what god is, or even if god exists. I'm human; I believe that kind of knowledge is beyond me. That used to bother me a lot, that I didn't know. As a newcomer, I wanted certainty, because I was terrified. After admitting my powerlessness over debt, I was in free fall. A belief in a power greater than myself was essential to my survival, yet I could not easily believe in something I couldn't see or feel.
I wrestled with my conception of god for months. And in that process, I came to believe... in something.
I also came to realize that it didn't matter what god was, or even if god existed. It only mattered that each day I became willing to believe. The grace, I found, was in the asking, rather than in the knowing. This realization has brought me a lot of relief.
Keep coming back.
—Hope
Compulsive debtor
=============================================================
"Hope
Newlyfound" is an alias for an anonymous member of the program of Debtors
Anonymous with twenty years of freedom from incurring unsecured debt (which
means no credit cards, credit lines, bouncing checks, paying bills late, and
borrowing from friends and family.)
Information about D.A.
can be found at the Debtors Anonymous world
service website, and locally in the Pacific
Northwest at the Oregon intergroup website and the Seattle/Puget sound intergroup website.
No comments:
Post a Comment